just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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