I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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