what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Two words: blizzard sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
