i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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