Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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