ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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