So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
