I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
