Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
