I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
