I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
