That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
