Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
