You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
