Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
