In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
