Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
