so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
