McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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