so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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