I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
