Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
