One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
