Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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