In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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