Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize