Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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