so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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