dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
