Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
