Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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