We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
