How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
