are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
