11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
