I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
