ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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