The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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