Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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