There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize