no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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