i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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