The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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