I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
