yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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