you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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