First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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