i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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