If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
