Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
