then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize