She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
