why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my being single is dangerous.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
