I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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