I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
