YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
