The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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