I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We have started to decorate penises.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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