I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
