He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
