I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
