There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
May the power of my ass compel you!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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