I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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