I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They have beer where we have blood.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
