that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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