I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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