I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
