i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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