did you get engaged???
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
