I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
