I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
