I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize