I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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