It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize