my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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