I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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