I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize