Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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