she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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