So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
