I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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