In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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