Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
