Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
