Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't notice because vodka
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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